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SATIRE | Oh… behold, President Ruto’s praise-singers and flatterers; cries MP Salasya

Mumias East MP Peter Salasya. PHOTO/UGC

By GUEST WRITER

newshub@eyewitness.africa

Lo! In the kingdom of Kenya, a new ruler ascended the throne—one President William Ruto, a man whose rise was so swift that the winds of change themselves didst tremble in his wake.

Yet, since the dawn of his reign, a curious thing hath occurred—thine noble lords and ladies of the realm hath turned into nothing more than sycophantic jesters, bending the knee in obeisance with such zeal that even the heavens might blush.

Verily, there be no greater sin in the land than the failure to echo the President’s decree, and thus, many of the political courtiers have donned the robes of praise-singers.

To these flatterers, I say—“O thou wretched mass of inanities! Is thy tongue so skilled in flattery that it doth make even the angels weep?”

From the House of Kenya Kwanza, behold, Dame Beatrice Elachi of Dagoretti North hath cried out in her finest oration, “Let those malcontents who dare speak ill of King Ruto wapotee!”—nay, to disappear into the very earth itself! And thus, she doth chant with fervour, for what matters truth when the crown is in favour? “Let the tongues of dissent be silenced by the thunder of power!”

And lo, Farah Maalim, Member of Parliament from the Dabaab lands, hath chosen to speak with words dipped in venom and fire, cursing those who dare oppose the throne. “Let the dogs of rebellion be cast down,” he doth roar, his tongue sharp enough to cut through the winds of opposition.

In days of old, the wise Cicero hath warned: “Flattery is a vice that corrupts the soul and perverts truth; it is but the soothing balm of tyrants who seek to blind the masses.”

Meanwhile, from the hills of Kapseret comes the ever-loyal Oscar Sudi, a knight of the realm, declaring with bravado, “Those who cry ‘Ruto Must Go,’ whether they leap or cower, are naught but foolish souls!

For Ruto, like the sun, cannot be moved from his place in the heavens!” And so it is written, in the annals of sycophancy, that true loyalty is not measured by the heart, but by the volume of one’s voice. “Aye, let not the truth disturb thee, for loyalty is the shield, and flattery the sword.”

Hassan Joho, once a critic from the house of ODM, hath crossed the great divide to join the Ruto court. The former adversary now sings a different tune, declaring, “Let not these rebellious youths disturb the peace of the kingdom. We too, have our own youth upon whom we can call.” And thus, he hath become a harbinger of the President’s might. “Woe unto those who dare question the crown’s authority!”

But, hark! Another voice of flatter rings out from the rugged lands of Baringo, where Tiaty MP, William Kamket, hath declared with alarming pride, “The people of Baringo know well how to craft a king, and should the need arise, we shall prolong his reign for 24 years!”

Lo, a man after the heart of power, whose loyalty to the throne mirrors the age-old wisdom of the Roman historian Tacitus, who spoke thusly: “The flatterer is the shadow of a prince; he lives in the light but cannot stand on his own.”

As if in reply, Samuel Atandi, a disciple of ODM, now turned to the sweet wine of sycophancy, assures King Ruto, “Fear not, your Majesty! As long as thou art with Raila, victory is thine, even in the year of our Lord, 2027!”

And thus, he proclaims, for the sycophant’s tongue is swift to assure, even when the truth doth not so easily flow.

The most curious tale, however, comes from the noble Junet Mohammed, Minority Leader of the National Assembly. He doth threaten the impeachment of the valiant Justin Muturi, simply for the grievous sin of daring to question the President’s might, speaking of things such as “abductions” and “extra-judicial killings.”

Aye, let not any man speak of truth when silence is the price of favour!” is the cry of those who serve only to appease the whims of the throne.

Mumias East MP Peter Salasya with his supporters in a past event. PHOTO/UGC

Yet, in the midst of these fawning minstrels, there emerges a solitary figure—a voice of reason in a sea of sycophants—a budding politician from the land of Mulembe.

Mumias East’s own Peter Salasya. “Lo, good Ruto, thy advisors deceive thee,” he spoke boldly, questioning the source of funds for the farmers’ bonuses and daring to speak truth to power.

Where art thou getting this gold for the common man? For it was not in the budget!” And thus, he cried for transparency, echoing the words of the great philosopher Socrates: “The unexamined life is not worth living; the unexamined government is not worth governing.”

Yet, the President, in his wisdom—or perhaps in his understanding of the times—doth respond, “Salasya is but a good young man who occasionally needs a bit of correction.” Aye, indeed, for in a world of sycophants, even the smallest whiff of truth must be corrected, lest the kingdom falter.

And thus, dear reader, we find ourselves in a land where sycophants dance in the court, their tongues as smooth as oil, while truth lurks in the shadows, whispered by a few brave souls.

“But beware,” said the ancient historian Herodotus, “for a prince surrounded by flatterers shall surely find himself undone by his own vanity.”

And so it shall be, for those who live by the praise of the court shall perish by the silence of the people.

“The truth will out,” as Shakespeare wrote, “though it be hidden in the darkest corners, it shall come to light.”

Thus, we await the day when truth shall reign once more—if only for a moment.

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